Trying not to see animals

What: Elephant's head (facing right)
Beer: Ale of some kind, not recorded
Receptacle: Magners glass
When: 13 September 2008
Situation: In the Cricketers, with Victoria, Mike & Hannu (reading from Hannu's beer)

A common theme of my beer readings to date had been that I tend to see animals, both in my own and other people's beer. Victoria had become suspicious that this is simply because I'm always thinking about animals and would see them even when they weren't the obvious interpretation of a reading.

But as Mike and Hannu joined us in the Cricketers, I could hardly fail to notice the unmistakeable shape of an elephant's head emerge from his pint! I didn't have my full beer reading kit, but was able to capture the reading on my camera phone. Alas, Victoria remained unconvinced. I suppose in a certain light, facing left it could be the skull of some kind of hadrosaur. But it looks uncontrovertibly like an elephant's head to me. Unfortunately, this wasn't a sign I was going to remember the beers that people were drinking so I could record readings properly.

What: Whale's tail (upright, emerging from ocean)
Beer: Adnams Spindrift
Receptacle: Long thin curvy glass
When: 13 September 2008
Situation: In the Castle, with Victoria, Mike, Hannu, Nina and RQ (reading from, I think, Nina's beer)

Having broken the beer-reading ice in the Cricketers, by the time we'd moved to the Castle and been joined by Nina and RQ everyone wanted to know more about it, and Victoria wanted me to see something that wasn't an animal (though wasn't drinking any beer herself). The next shape I spotted, however, was the tail of a whale emerging from the ocean. This one, admittedly, was more open to alternative interpretations than the elephant's head. It also looks a bit like the Holy Grail.

What: Euro sign?
Beer: Adnams Spindrift

Mike was getting some interesting shapes towards the bottom of his glass, and unless it was a very long snake this probably wasn't an animal. I couldn't quite see what it actually was though. Being a banker, Mike thought he was seeing the Euro symbol, possibly a predictor of a turbulent Monday on the UK and US exchanges.
What: Boot
Beer: I have a suspicion RQ was actually drinking Cider. Adnams Spindrift

This shape emerged in negative from RQ's pint. True to form, I wondered whether it might be some kind of caterpillar or worm, raising its head in the air. "Stop trying to see animals!" implored Victoria. I tried really hard not to see it as an animal, and suddenly realised that I was in fact looking at a boot! You can even see a shoelace or perhaps buckle at the top of the foot. Unfortunately, as I believe RQ was drinking cider, the reading was invalid.

UPDATE: RQ claims he wasn't drinking cider, and this was from another Spindrift. So the boot was a genuine reading. It may have been warning me that I would bang my toe on a large heavy box a few days later, splitting the toenail, and that wearing boots at all times would have been advisable.

Caterpillar with bobble hat and leaping goat

What: A caterpillar, wearing a bobble hat
Beer: Elgood's Black Dog
Receptacle: Straight-sided glass
When: 11 September 2008
Situation: Third official Beer Reading Meeting, Live and Let Live pub, Cambridge.

It was not until the third pint of the third meeting that I obtained any real result, as the shape of a caterpillar unmistakenly emerged in negative from the thick foam of Elgood's Black Dog. My first pint (Dent Bitter) briefly suggested a dog playing the guitar, but by the time it was recorded the dog had realised that it couldn't actually hold a guitar in its paws, let alone play it, and let go. And then stopped looking anything like a dog. Lizzy thought she saw a mermaid in my second (Checkmate Pilsner), but if it is a mermaid, it seems to only have one arm and no head.



What: Leaping Goat? Sea turtle?
Beer: Nethergate Umbel Ale

Early on in his first foray into beer reading, Tom definitely got some kind of animal, with a big eye and wide open mouth. Looking at the beer at the time, we interpreted this as a leaping goat. Looking at the picture again now, it seems to have legs protruding from both sides of its torso and I wonder whether it might actually be a swimming turtle.

After the beer reading, whether as a result of mixing bitter, pilsner and Black Dog or from the random concoction I'd thrown together for dinner from whatever was left in the fridge before coming out, I slept badly, suffering from indigestion. So a negative caterpillar with a bobble hat seems to be a bad sign.

Rocking Horse Fly, Cat, and Jungle Monster

What: Rocking Horse Fly (facing left)
Beer: Ossett Silver King
Receptacle: Straight-sided glass
When: 11 September 2008
Situation: Third official Beer Reading Meeting, Live and Let Live pub, Cambridge.

Approximately half an hour into the first pint, I spot an image of a horse emerging from the foam. Soon, though, a fully formed rocker appears attached to the horse's legs. Suddenly, it occurs to me that the strange protuberances on the horse's back were not a saddle, as I at first thought, but were in fact a pair of wings. It all adds up - the unusually slender legs, the slightly geometric head, the fully outstretched stance. "Could it be that insect that people say looks like a rocking horse?" I said. "You mean a rocking horse fly? From Alice Through the Looking Glass?" came the reply. It seems I have briefly confused fiction and reality.

It turned out to be a difficult day for recording our readings. For as yet unexplained reasons, the foam on all beers was disappearing very rapidly, sliding quickly down the glass and returning to the liquid form from whence it came, sometimes without our having been able to capture the full image. The rocker on the rocking horse fly above, for example, although slightly broken-looking in the photo, had been complete and intact moments before. Disappointingly, we also failed to capture fully the image of a dog holding a guitar which appeared in Rob's beer at the same time.


What: Seated Cat (facing left)
Beer: Elgood's Black Dog
My second pint, being of a frothier beer, inevitably produced an image in the negative spaces between the residual foam. This time a very clear outline of a seated cat. Tom believed the cat to be kissing a dragon, but I remain unconvinced.

What: Jungle Monster
Beer: Elgood's Black Dog

Further down in the same pint, a slightly disturbing monster appears. Swinging between trees, with an expression reminiscent of the Looney Tunes Tasmanian Devil, and long outstretched arms, this menacing little critter seems to be heading straight out of the glass towards the drinker... Or the onlooker, if you photograph it from the other side (see below).

My third pint only produced something that was either mildly pornographic (if you viewed the negative spaces) or a sort of scorpion thing (if you viewed the foam). I won't post it, just in case it turns out to be the former. Although it could potentially be used in one of those experiments about which side of the brain you think with (or, indeed, which brain...)

Goat and Dinosaur

What: Goat
Beer: Mordue Five Bridges
Receptacle: Straight-sided glass
When: 4 September 2008
Situation: Second official Beer Reading Meeting, Live and Let Live pub, Cambridge.

My first pint seemed to produce some promising emergent shapes right from the start, while Lizzy struggled with a mass of foam.

However, I was ultimately to be left relatively disappointed as the shapes failed to resolve into anything very much, with the exception of a possible pistol and the head of a goat, as Lizzy came up with a magnificent negative squid.

What: Dinosaur/Monster
Beer: Everards Tiger

My second pint, Castle Rock Elsie Mo, was a refreshing and pleasant beer but didn't produce any satisfactory readings; there was just too much foam. I thought I saw some kind of negative aardvark at one point but it didn't photograph well. On the third beer, I did observe a striking monster head although it's partly obscured by a mark on the glass. I then tried the Pineapple Head which produced a squid for Lizzy, but to no avail.

The Principles of Beer Reading

- Get some beer. For best results, this needs to be a pint of draught beer. Although real ale is generally to be considered optimal, this is largely on grounds of taste and good results have been observed with lager.

- Drink some of this beer.

- Check the beer for any emerging shapes.

- If you have a shape, congratulations! You can now read the beer.

- If you have an emergent shape but this is not presenting itself as anything definite, cultivate it by drinking more beer.

- If you have no shapes emerging, drink faster, or get a different beer.


- Shapes can be either positive (formed from the foam) or negative (formed from the spaces left by the foam). This will largely depend on the type of beer and how much foam it leaves on the glass.

- If you have a shape and want to record your research, photograph it. You will need a dark background against which to photograph the beer.

- When recording your research, note the type of beer, date, any other details about the situation that appear relevant, and what you think the shape is.

- That's pretty much it really.

As to what your reading might tell you - that's another question entirely. We would recommend getting an expert beer reader to interpret it.

Squid, Flying Monkey, Seahorse, and Locust

What: Squid (heading left)
Beer: Mordue Pineapple Head
Receptacle: Straight-sided glass
When: 4 September 2008
Situation: Second official Beer Reading Meeting, Live and Let Live pub, Cambridge.

First pint of the night and after 20 minutes of peering at thick foam thinking I'd picked the wrong kind of beer for reading, a large image of a squid appeared in the negative spaces. At first we thought it might be a cuttlefish, but the long squiggly tentacles gave it away.


What: Flying Monkey Kissing a Seahorse
Beer: Nethergate Lemonhead

Second pint of the night, and what a stunner! We have a winged monkey (complete with tail) kissing a seahorse. This image was particularly large, covering nearly half the height of the glass. I came up with some theory about this meaning that I'm at a point in my life where my intellect (the flying monkey representing air) is embracing my intuition (the seahorse representing water). Erm... Time for another pint.

What: Locust (facing left)
Beer: Nethergate Lemonhead

Pint number three brings a locust. Not a good sign, I'm sure.


Ten minutes later and it's been joined by a second insect-like creature. And seems to have morphed into something else, as yet unidentified. By now we can't even tell which end is the head. And spend some time arguing over it.

What: Man Brandishing Large Bazooka at a Freaky Alien
Beer: Everards Tiger Shandy

By now we'd been joined by three friends who had come to the pub for a quiet post-badminton drink. This sci-fi image appeared in Sara's pint of shandy at exactly the same time the locust appeared in my third pint.

Still freaked out by the flying monkey kissing a seahorse, we foolishly go for pint number four, which yields no results other than a headache the following day.